Review: The Crooked Heart of Mercy by Billie Livingston

Ben awakens in a hospital room, a bullet wound to his head. He's unsure of his identity, or what brought him to be hospitalized.  His wife, Maggie, struggles to get by with her husband in a psych ward, her priest brother at the heart of a scandal.  Rather than facing the tragedy that brought them all to this place in life, she must forge ahead and attempt to make a new life for herself.  All three individuals, rather than facing this tragedy together, are painfully suffering from it individually. While they may never find true redemption and peace, all three must overcome their own personal issues and face their fears together if they are going to survive.

There has been quite a bit of discussion in the book world lately regarding the ability to enjoy a book if you cannot or refuse to connect with the main characters.  I can’t think of a better example than this title. Maggie and Ben are still reeling from the death of their toddler son, a death that could have been prevented had they not been high on prescription drugs.  Estranged, they are now facing this loss alone. Add in Maggie’s brother, an alcoholic priest with no interest in celibacy, then you have one hot mess of lead characters.

While I’m not saying it was easy to connect with these incredibly flawed and, at times, despicable characters, I was able to see past that, see their pain, and take them for what they were: victims.  Now, that’s not to say they are blameless victims.  I’m not giving them a pass for the horrific incident for which they are responsible.  Instead, I see them as incredibly pained individuals, suffering from a series of poor decisions that will taint their lives permanently.

As a mother myself, I can’t even begin to contemplate their decisions or the situation they find themselves in now.  In the opening pages I hated them, wanted to send them to the depths of hell for their actions.  Then, as I read each of their points of view, I could see that they were already in their own individual hell.  At this point, I was able to see past my feelings of hatred and dislike and see that they were individuals, human beings, that needed one another in order to survive.

I don’t think I need to state that this is quite a dark read. While I wouldn’t say there was a bright ray of sunshine at the end, there was certainly an awakening of sorts. It was devastating to follow Maggie, Ben, and Maggie’s brother, Francis, finally face the pain they have been avoiding and, ultimately, come to terms with what lies ahead.

This isn’t a book that I can/would recommend to everyone, given the subject matter.  Yet Livingston’s beautifully executed prose is what brings it all together for me. Honestly, this is the only thing that allowed me to overcome my initial feelings of disgust toward these characters: the author’s ability to bring them alive (full of flaws and suffering) on the pages before me. They were genuine individuals, reeling from a loss for which they were responsible. Despicable characters, yet I found myself rooting for them at the end.  That’s what I call skilled writing.

Thank you to TLC Book Tours for providing me the opportunity to participate in this tour.